Progress

Got the labs drawn. Got the MyPlate entries made in the iPhone. Got a lot of "stuff" done today--Monday is the first day of school for my kids, and there are lots of last minute things to accomplish.

Didn't make dinner. :( Planned and bought, hamburger thawed, but there was a ModBod parking lot sale tonight, and I had to get there early so there would be anything worth buying.

Tomorrow is another day, and I'm ready for it!

From the time I was about ten--maybe even eight--I started wearing makeup here and there. Loved makeup, hairdos, dressing up, doing my nails. I really got into it more as a teen, bought out Avon all my life --makeup and jewelry-- until I joined Mary Kay, and then I REALLY went hogwild on the beauty scene.

Here I am teetering on the edge of 300 pounds. I haven't had my hair cut in at least 3 years. I haven't colored it in longer than that...much longer. I rarely wear any makeup or jewelry, except my newish earrings on Sundays. It's been a coon's age since I did my nails--excepting going out to Reno for the wedding last month. And I got to thinking. With how much I used to love making myself into my view of femininity, why have I given up? Did I feel ugly before I got fat? Or did the fat make me feel ugly and then I gave up on my womanhood? I can't help wondering if this is somehow all wrapped up in the mess of mother-ness, my screwed up view of what the difference between motherhood and regular personhood and sexuality is to me. Oh, how I thought (and hoped) that I had put that freakish period of my life behind me years ago.

Instead of rewarding myself or comforting myself with food, what if I did some of the old things? New nail polish or hair color? Maybe I thought I didn't have the money to spend on myself. I probably didn't. But it's time to dig $5 out of the couch or somebody's winter coat and "pamper" myself here and there. I obviously found the money to spend on potato chips, so if I give those up, I can certainly afford a lipstick!

If I felt a little better about myself, maybe I'd go out more--do the things that my spirit feels driven to try, but then I look in the mirror and tell myself that fat ladies don't go climbing rock walls or run 5K's. Or even go to the local yarn shop to take a tatting class. Something I've longed to do for 20 years! But I don't want to go out. Don't want to see people or make new friends. Don't see my own value to others.

Hubby gave me some $$ to get my hair done a couple of weeks ago. Still not done. But I got the scissor-happy daughter to chop it off at my shoulders a few days ago in order to trap myself into the hairdo. I think I'm going to the stylist next Friday. (I keep nipping at the ragged ends, last time with nail clippers, so the hairstylist HAS to happen.)

So that's it. Today's journaling. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but Connie, my PA, said to do it, so doing it.

NO FEAR!

Am I Really Doing This Again?

Food. The final frontier.

Talked at length with my mom today about the fat/food battle. That when you are on a diet, tracking calories, etc., it feels like you think about food even more than you do when you are just craving/indulging. All day, what can I eat? Write that down. Count the calories. Can I have a snack yet? What am I going to have? How many calories is that? And so on.

Not to put anyone down, but it's hard to hear weight loss advice from a 95-pound very fit person.

I can't do this forever, but I don't have to. I loaded the MyPlate app from Livestrong.com and I am going to focus on the first 10 pounds and a day at a time. A snack at a time. A glass of water at a time. That's enough for now.

The food I would most hate to give up--cheese. Cheese, cheese, cheese. It is tasty, savory, salty, deep and vast, and the texture of a good cheese is sensual.

Tomorrow, MyPlate and the new fasting lab work.

Starting Over

What exactly is a food journal? It is apparently much more than a list of what a person eats. It is a journal of the individual's experience with food, relationship, awareness, consumption, alternatives, etc. After my first counseling appointment with my doctor regarding my weight in over 2 years, I was counseled to keep a food journal along with a list of Go-To's. Go'To's are something like lifelines. If you're stuck--can't get that food out of your head, can't stop craving--you "go to" your lifeline list and figure out something else to do instead of eat. Counseling. For food. No. I am a food addict. I admit it. And I think counseling is a good thing. But not now. I want a food support group. Like AA, only for people who eat chocolate cake in their closet so no one else can see them eating it. Absolutely crushing statistic. My doctor said that the average American quitting an addiction has to quit 7 times before succeeding. Another journey--not to lose weight, but to feel better and to walk a 5K next summer. Grah. Can't journeys ever be fun or easy?

Menu Plan Monday

After not planning my menus for the past two weeks, I'm back in the saddle!

MONDAY--Sassy Potato Corn Chowder (crockpot) and salad

TUESDAY--Parmesan Chicken Nuggets, tater tots, broccoli

WEDNESDAY--Pack Meeting, and I'm assigned a salad. My son and the Den Leader are both gluten-free, so she asked me to bring something my boy can eat (and she can too). Since I don't know what else they will be having that he can eat, I'm planning a salad that can serve as a meal. We'll see if he eats it!

Black Bean and Corn Salad, Mexican Chicken (crockpot), Tostitos Scoops, sour cream

THURSDAY--BBQ at my aunt's house

FRIDAY--Cheesy chicken and rice casserole (crockpot), salad

SATURDAY--Wild Rice and Ham Chowder (crockpot) but I'll probably leave out the rice because there's already plenty of carb in it with the potatoes. I plan to use up the ham bone and some chunks of ham in my freezer.

SUNDAY--Pork Chop Bake (pineapple, bell pepper, onion)...so delicious and easy! I made this with thin chops, and it cooks up faster, so watch the time! Serve with salad.

Menu Plan Monday

On Mondays, orgjunkie.com has links to hundreds of menus for the week that moms/nurturers across the Internet will be feeding their families. If my menu plan wasn't already derailed, I'd play too.

Check it out! A lot of them are gluten free and a lot focus on cheap.

Try Something New: Mediterranean Chicken

**What can I say about this dish?** It was TO DIE FOR! I think I completely ruined my diet. Not in content, but in quantity. This is VERY LOW FAT and healthy, and the flavor is amazing.

Click on the picture for a bigger view. We've got chickpeas on the left, rice topped with almonds slivers browned/fried in a scant amount of olive oil, shredded chicken breast cooked according to the recipe on the hyperlink above, and steamed carrots.

My husband walked in from church and smelled this in the crockpot, and suddenly I was the most popular woman in Christendom! Pretty cool.

Several years ago, I borrowed a Mediterranean/Lebanese cookbook from our neighbor who was of Middle Eastern origin. I made this killer chicken, rice, ground beef, and almond dish. I haven't been able to find my copy of the recipe since we moved 3 years ago.

When my hubby walked in, he said he smelled this and instantly thought of that Lebanese food.

When I saw the recipe at the crockpot365 blog, it reminded me of the Lebanese dish too. The smell, though, was the kicker. It was the cumin and the cinnamon. About 1 teaspoon of each for 1-1/2 pounds of meat: Six giant chicken breasts, 1 cup of chicken broth, 1/2 cup of orange juice, (I added a tiny bit more liquid than the recipe calls for) and that tiny bit of cumin and cinnamon did the job! Those spices were what made it smell like our old favorite.

But the apricots and dates--oh baby! I have never eaten dates before. They are definitely an acquired taste, but delicious.

The secret of the almonds--use them on this meal like you would use croutons on a salad. Crunchy and perfect! You have to fry them. If you have leftovers, do not store the almonds with the main dish, because they will become soggy and ruin the texture of the meal.

I bought 1 pound of slivered almonds from the bulk foods at Sunflower Market and fried all of them. Most of them are not in the picture. There was a plate of them on the side to pass around for each person to add as needed. We used most of them. The ones on top of the rice were just for presentation. The orange and purple slices on top of the shredded chicken are 5 dried apricots and 5 dates saved out from the crockpot to use for a garnish.

Next time I make this, I will add the chickpeas to the meat for the last hour. These are also an acquired taste. I love them. One can was plenty for the entire meal.

BOTTOM LINE: I followed the recipe exactly except for adding an extra 1/4 cup of broth and extra 1/4 cup of orange juice. I cooked on high for 3 hours, shredded the breasts, and put them back in the crockpot. Turned it to low for 2 more hours to let the moisture soak into the meat more. Cooked the rice, chickpeas, and carrots separately, though adding the chickpeas and carrots at the end would certainly work.

For dessert we had Super Soft Gluten Free Sugar Cookies from the same yummo author on her other blog. My son was in heaven, and everyone else liked these too. My 14 yo not-allergic-to-wheat daughter LOVED them. She said they were better than regular.

Orange chicken with rice and broccoli

There's a Chinese/American restaurant on the corner of our street and the highway. My two favorite things there are halibut with a delicious, delicate egg breading thing on it and orange chicken. Yuummmm. My whole family *except the teenaged girl, who likes NOTHING I make* likes the orange chicken. Since we are doing gluten free again, you don't buy breaded chicken and who-knows-what in the sauce from the Chinese place. :( It's disappointing, but health is paramount, right? And what you do is focus on what you CAN eat--which is almost anything, if you get a decent recipe for it!

I told my son at the store yesterday--when I saw how down he was because there was so much he couldn't have--that I understood. Because I do, now that I'm working toward weight loss. And I was on his diet for 2 years while I was nursing him, so I really DO get it. And he knows it.

This was magnificent! *hyperlink to the source of recipe* It needs a bit of tinkering. It's made with orange juice concentrate, and I found it a bit TOO concentrated. Also I put red pepper flakes in it, and it was a bit too hot. And it cooked down too quickly in the crockpot, too. I had it on high for one hour, and the sauce was already crisping. Turned it to low for 2 hours, and it was really bordering on burned. I think adding a little bit of water would fix both the burning problem and the concentrated orange problem. My kids liked it but wanted it a little bit cooler.

Add some Uncle Ben's Ready Rice in roasted chicken flavor (which to the best of my knowledge is gluten free) and some broccoli, and it's another tasty restaurant-quality dinner to enjoy without getting sick! Cheap, too. I think I paid about $5 for the whole dinner.

Drawback: After cooking a labor-intensive dinner three days in a row and doing the clean up, I'm exhausted. Ridiculous, but that's fibro for you.