How did I let this happen?

I resolved to take my kids to the pool once a week this summer. Yes. Me. I don't swim, and I don't do fun. My husband does the fun stuff, but he's in school. So if it is to be, it is up to me.

My suit is too small. I squished into it and went off to the pool. Walking past the mirror in the bathroom, something inside me died.

I say all the time that I don't mind being fat. I don't. I really don't. Except when it keeps me from doing things. Hence the desire to get fit so I can do things like go to Mesa Verde and take the very reasonable hikes.

But standing there in the pool bathroom, oh how I minded being fat. Thought of my kids having a fat mom with them at the pool. Hating myself for letting this happen. I'm so blue. This is a tough process. I'm even bluer than when the nurse from my doc's office called the other day and said I had to exercise more because I'm not making fast enough progress with my weight loss. I'm exercising as much as I can handle already! And if I lose 10-15 pounds this summer, I'll be thrilled!

All I want to do is lie in bed and cry in my Pepsi and eat some Kettle Brand Crinkle chips, black pepper flavor. But since I have to squish into the suit again next Thu or Fri, I guess I'll just get this little tearfest over with and go back to work.

Compromise. I'm letting myself have a real Pepsi. Don't tell Lindsey (my coach). :) Back to work...